April Littrell
Self Improvement
It’s the start of a new decade and this is apt.
I’ve been meaning to write on self-discipline and will later, hence the hyperlink. Been littering these blue tickets around the site. They’re essays-to-be. You’ll click some and find another hour’s thoughts or an unkept promise. Literary lottery.
This one’s about self improvement. Getting better. Going nowhere certain until the ultimate certainty. Certainly insane, you might ascertain.
Two Rooms
To feel free in some sense, I need to constantly check my two rooms. My physical room and mental room. Two sequestered spaces I should have complete control over, else flicker out. The rooms are connected inextricably. Only when some segment of my mind and living quarters are clean can I move on with whatever it is that must be moved onto.
To exercise control over these realms, I end up deleting a lot. Keeping only: what’s small and linked to a specific memory (e.g. an art exhibit entrance ticket), what I’ll need to reference in the immediate future (info about upcoming taxes), what’s the best designed version (a Muji mug), what can be left behind without care (an up-cycled ice cream pint plant vase).
List of Fate
Things by Cultured Code is the best task managing software the world will ever know. It’s where I store my immortal ordinal mandate, my List of Fate. Anything on the list must and will get done. It’s never empty and never full. It’s ribboned onto the propellor affixed to my coccyx, fluttering aft.
I want to share a part of it with you. It’s raw, titled Health: Ideals and hypotheses for self-growth, divided into two sections, and alphabetized.
More
Cardio (for heart health)
Fasting (intermittent, for muscle toning)
Flossing (for dental hygiene)
Reading (for inspiration and introspection)
Sleep (for more daily energy)
Writing (to balance consumption)
Less
Caffeine (for more natural energy)
Masturbation (for genuine fulfillment)
Picking (for healthier skin)
Pornography (for greater sensitivity)
Social Media (for analog joy)
Sugar (for more acute taste)
The list is simple, personal, unimposing, measurably achievable. And I’m not sharing it to influence you in any way. It’s a sincere sequence I thought I’d test out and observe the results of after various readings and conversations.
I’ve stuck to all of them, more or less, shaping this current version of me. They’re basic on purpose, because goals that are broader are easier to hit and there’s little sense in creating a nuanced goal you’ll feel poorly about aborting or missing the mark. After molding to meet the broader goals it will be more intuitive to experiment with nuance and results will hopefully be more apparent.
The more and less lists interweave. I like the idea of being open to new interests, so try to maintain a lean and agile bodily form. Talking about this makes me feel like an incredible tool. It’s as much for me as it is for you, this spreading out. Actually walking the line is quite vexing, and as much as I’d like to go on about my observations in self-improvement, I’d also like to keep your honest interest—sincere communication between me and you—not some half-mock, quarter-spite perusal. A follow-up post is in order should interest1 be shown, otherwise the cards stay face-down.
Low Light
I’m no model and have no regimen, having introduced small consistencies to my life that have proven well over time in an effort to more efficiently navigate all of this. There’s a tasseled lamp letting a low yellow light onto the table on which I type and it feels warm now but I can only imagine reading this later more clinically2 and wishing I weren’t the type of person to share such topical detail. Up to you to resonate or ricochet.
Small consistencies. This yellow light. Emit just a bit but enough.
I did, resulting in the penultimate paragraph. Abandonment. Absolutely no answer as to why I’d divulged anything at all. Evidence of the war between loyalty to one’s own mind and the menacingly necessary marketing machine (An admittance of parallel commercial motives, or a plea in defense of sustainable artistic expression? To what extent is derailing permissible. What heathen forged the footnote. And why aren’t footnotes nestable‽) that is finding one’s niche. Amateur.↩︎